Monday, May 15, 2006

squeezed under pressure

suddenly i feel down.

a lot lot of things to do.. i can't even sit there manage them.. and the result.. no satisfactory progress in any of them..

it's not just my work.. home too.. other stuff too..

the irritating thing is that when u r working on a task for someone requiring me to go that person. and when i manage to go there and i called him first.. he simply postpones it to another time.. !!!!!
ignoring all the pressure i'm going through... i am not able and that free to go there twice a day..

when u have a lot of things to do and someone irresponsibly wastes ur time and effort.. this is very irritating.. i'm going mad because of it.. actually it makes me feel down more and more..

i think i need a ToDo list with priorities...

when i was thinking of reducing my tasks to reduce the pressure i realized that i have two sets of tasks: things that i have to do. and things that i want to do.
of course there can be stuff that belongs to the two sets at the same time.

so what..

should i let go the things i really want to do in order to sring the list ?!!!!!! i don't know.. just thinking of the idea depresses me.

should i let go the things i have to do? i'm not that moody guy who is inresponsible and can't be depended on.. that's not me..

i thought of communication to the people that i have a lot of things to do so they leave me alone and do not disturb me.. but the fact i found is that they do not consider what i want.. actually they do not consider even stuff that i have to do as long as they do not see it as a must..
i'm not going to argue with everyone to convince him that i have to do something.. why he puts his nose in anyway

it's for me to decide..

it all goes to me in the end.. yes.. it does..

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

silence

nearly 45 days have passed since my last and only post on the blog

surprising to me.. and the people who know me (and so few they are).. i used to write my thought in the past in a note book or any pieces of papers available when i feel like writing. usually no one else is allowed to read it.. it's something for me.. i think better when i write things...

apparantly this wasn't the case here..
is it lack of time?
maybe..
and maybe it is the inner me that no one is allowed to read that prevents me from posting.. till i have some coding scheme so no one will be able to understand :).. the idea is releifing to me..

i've been through a lot of thinking moments recently..
i travelled for somedays. travelling gets u out of routine so u r not caught by daily events.. u spend some time in the train with nothing to do but think.. maybe read.. i wonder why i do not do these things as part of daily actions.. i should do

the last few days had a lot for me... and there is more ahead...